Victims come in many forms

Trigger warning: This column talks about serious issues that readers should be cautioned before reading.

The recent grotesque unveiling on social media of an account that victimized local women, including minors, blew up into the public sphere after the community stood up and said enough was enough.

The profile, which has since been taken down, didn’t result in charges directly from those lewd acts – and may never – but the damage was done, people were shocked, disgusted and angry, and it was a reminder of other social media accounts over the years that mostly used slander, libel and very serious accusations – none of which resulted in charges, either.

It’s a slippery slope, this media that is anything but social we all know and love/hate. Too many people use it in such unhealthy ways, and we wonder why some feel it’s okay to attack – and think nothing will ever come back on them.

In other words, you just never know who the perverts, racists, assholes or other lovelies are, the ones you see in the grocery store, the post, and at your kid’s games, or in positions of authority.

Social media has brought so much of the ugly into the limelight and has exposed people for who they really are.

I feel terrible for the victims, because I’m human and have a heart, and hope they get justice someday, in some way. One alleged perp was beat up in town, while a second was greeted, not so nicely, by a crowd of people at his house.

None of it should ever be condoned, and as the person who edits the news, I see a community in pain, one at a crossroads, a fragile community that’s trying to heal but at the same time dealing with so much hurt, lashing out, attacking, trying to find its way.

Colonialism dealt us this hand, but it’s up to us to reverse it and be better, for our kids, for ourselves, and for our collective future. That especially includes the online bullies and perverts, miscreants and pricks.

The pain the victims felt is called lateral violence, and our communities have become experts at it online. Just look at any given post about a minor controversy – let alone the big ones – and you will see individuals who don’t exactly possess that coveted good mind we all speak about. Quite the opposite.

It was heartening to see the community react, for its sisters, mothers and daughters, but the fact that these accounts keep popping up and there’s do little police can actually do that sticks to these sickos, needs to really be looked at closer, researched, discussed, dissected; whatever we can do to continue that fight to make our community safer, and hold people accountable for disgusting actions.

The ones who show you who they are on social media are easy to spot, but it’s the ones who hide and never got caught we should also be on the lookout for. And sometimes that’s a brother or sister, a friend, an uncle or an aunt.

But this story struck me on another level, and I wanted to share that with readers.

Roughly a decade ago or so, I was hit with a gut punch that made me realize just how venomous people can be.

A video was being shared, that so many people passed around to friends, colleagues, and anyone who would join in on the laughs, of a man doing lewd sexual acts solo, naked. People swore it was me, so I was fair game.

But it wasn’t. And we never found out who the sick bastard was who started sending it around, and that’s unfortunate. They should also be exposed and called out for it.

They didn’t come out and say my name, but they said things like “Who does this remind you of?” or “This looks like a certain local news guy,” and their friends joined in the “fun.”

It was, quite frankly, disgusting, and I lost friends over it. I was so angry people I trusted were sharing it openly and not simply messaging me to see how I was doing.

The fact that it wasn’t me in the video made no difference to the jerks sharing and commenting openly about it. They laughed at me with reckless abandon; adults, professionals, people in education, in places of influence and power, so-called traditional people – there was a wide variety. I know, because I saw them openly talking about it, and I was told by many in the community who have my back just who the ones sending it around were.

I even had a local radio host say, “Well, who’s to say it’s not you?” which was so utterly disappointing.

I said “Well, it isn’t me, so I’m saying that, and it’s ridiculous and so very sad that you don’t believe me.”

I even went on her show to make the very real point in question form, asking what if this was a 16-year-old girl who was dealing with this trauma, of a fake video sent out that people were saying was her, doing private, sexual acts? Would it then be sad and people would rally around her?

Of course they would, I hope, but the fact that it was okay to do this because I was a man means we still have so much work to do to sensitize community members to the real stigma of mental health.

This situation brought on so much anger and sadness, and to see parents and grandparents joining in on such a dark time in my life, showed me just how sick some in our community can be.

Suicide ideation, and the events that bring you to the end of that scary place is not a far leap for many – those who could be dealing with trauma, triggering events, and horrific thoughts that are masked from the public.

What if someone is going through a divorce? A loss of a loved one? A general tough time mixed with all the shit you’re born under, that comes with merely being Onkwehón:we?

Does that mean anything to you? Or is it just another laugh?

The guy in question in the video had a tattoo on his left arm (a totally different one from the one on my right arm), a tattoo on his chest (which I don’t have), and since you don’t see his face at all, just his chin and body, the lazy speculation that this was me ensued.

But some of the ones who shared this video are the same ones who were so rightfully outraged this time around with the latest trauma, because it involved their family, their loved ones. They called for heads to roll this time around, but I remember some of them were the ones laughing back then, at me.

I probably still have the screen shots somewhere. I remember them and believe me when I say I was deeply hurt, distraught, so fucking angry.

A victim is a victim, regardless of gender, age or stature in the community. Bullying is wrong no matter who does it to whom.

Was I just supposed to take it because of who I am? If every child matters, does that little child I once was still matter to you? Or do we just forget about him and move on?

As people always say, be careful what you put out there. When it comes back around, it’s only then you realize the hurt you’ve caused. Hopefully there are lessons taken here, and they don’t just disappear.

Luckily, I also have thick skin. But how many of these types of careless occurrences happen online that lead to an act that can never be taken back?

Think about what you post. It could come with a price much bigger than a laugh, and cost you a lot more when karma comes back around to you.