Back to school is rebirth

It’s the most exciting time for parents, the old joke goes, because your children are back in school.

And yes, it does help everyone to have them attend a place where they will develop along with their peers and grow oh so fast – and give ista tanón rakeni a break – but this time also comes with much more than just a return to school.

Regardless of whether your child is in kindergarten, grade one, or last year of high school, helping them along the way to foster their burgeoning mind is a huge part of our role as parents.

Even when they hit university and become a lawyer or a dentist or an entrepreneur, or drop out, we should be there with them every step of the way.

We get caught up in thinking they are “just” going back to school, as part of the cycle we all live in, one that can feel monotonous at times. But the truth is every single year is a special one, a year of learning, of making friends and discovering, and maybe most importantly, of failing and being okay with that.

Life is about more failures than successes, that’s just how it is, so the quicker our youth can get a handle on losing, the faster they will embrace whatever comes their way and keep going. And that’s true success. Knowing you will lose many battles but still be winning the drawn-out war that is life.

And what an exciting time this is! How fun is it to see your kid’s face light up when they learn something new and become really good at it? It doesn’t matter how old they are, that feeling for them and for you never goes away.

We weren’t all born under the best circumstances, of course, and so many of us are still dealing so heavily with intergenerational trauma. But it is also up to us to seek out the help we need to avoid the mistakes of our parents – who were also dealt a bad hand but had less opportunity and resources to find their way out of it.

As Onkwehón:we, we all share that story, and we all live with the pain of our history and reality every single day, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a brighter future for all, together.

One of the most important aspects of schooling is to listen to your child; when they come home from a bad day, when they are excited to share something, or if they just don’t want to talk at all – nonverbal cues can be the ones we miss most often.

But no matter what, being there, showing up for the sports, but also for parent-teacher night, and just being approachable and accessible to your little one means they will trust you. And when it is time, they will talk to you.

Sending your child off to be in the care of others is a scary thing, but it is also so beautiful and such a big part of their growth. We just can’t forget to listen, even if the signs we see aren’t full of light and energy.

No one should be a bigger fighter for your kid that you as a parent and doing that job and taking it seriously means you’re sacrificing for your child all the time. But they are watching you and learning those lessons, so one day they will be as good or better with their own kids – thus breaking that cycle that inter-generational trauma gave us.

If every child matters, then it starts with your own, but it also extends to supporting any child in need. Showing your children that lesson, that no matter what their last name is, their background, or any other identifying metric in their lives, they will be protected by the community – that’s what Kahnawake was at one point and what it needs to be in the future to produce a healthier community.

Steve Bonspiel

The Eastern Door