Parenting class welcomes new cohort 

For Andrea Kaia'tanóron Jacobs, the Circle of Security parenting program that she underwent in 2018 was life changing.

“I truly believe that every single expecting parent should be required to take this course,” she said. “Even if you’ve already been a parent for 30 years, new parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, literally anybody can benefit from taking this course.”

She’s just one of many in the community who has glowing reviews for the program, which has been offered by Step by Step for well over 10 years. Now, a new cohort is starting the 10-week course, this time offered in partnership with Kahnawake Shakotiia'takehnhas Community Services (KSCS).

“People often say things like ‘I wish I had known about this 20 years ago with my other children,’ but it’s never too late to learn and it’s really important not to whip ourselves over what we didn’t know,” said Step by Step clinical consultant Nancy Rother. “We found it has a huge impact on people, it’s often quite transformational.”
Circle of Security is an international program, though aspects of the program are tailored to take into account a culturally specific worldview, Rother said.

Throughout the course, participants become more reflective about their own behaviour, unpacking their role as a parent and their children’s needs. Parents are encouraged to think about how they themselves were parented, and how that affects their own parenting style as adults.

“It’s about bringing that awareness in a very trauma-informed way,” Rother said. “And the way we deliver it in Kahnawake is through understanding the multi-generational trauma context that people are existing within.”

Rother will be co-facilitating the program with Trudy Jacobs and Alana Atwin, both parenting workers at KSCS.

Atwin herself has previously taken the program as a parent.

“I really have a lot of faith in what the program offers in terms of self-reflection and how we can be better parents to our kids,” she said.

The program looks at topics like healthy attachment styles, guilt and shame, and the idea of “finding your shark music” – the feeling of fear or discomfort that is triggered in certain situations stemming from our own past experiences.

Another important focus is confronting mistakes that parents might have made with their children.

“We look at how to repair that relationship once there’s what we call ‘a rupture,’ because making mistakes is a part of parenting,” Atwin said. “It’s a normal thing to make mistakes, own up to it, apologize, and move on. No matter how old our children are.”

The current cohort started this week with a full class, who will be working together every Wednesday from 9 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. for 10 weeks. Facilitators say they received a large volume of interest, including from other family caregivers such as grandparents, and they plan to continue offering the program so that more and more community members can receive the training – right now, class sizes are kept small, at around 10 participants.

“People will tell me their friends were telling them about the program, and to me that’s a good sign that we’re all starting to speak the same language,” Atwin said. “I think it’s a lot easier for people to relate to each other when they’re speaking that same language.”

It’s been seven years since Andrea took the course, but the lessons she learned in it continue to impact her and her family to this day.

“Children need an emotional connection with their parents or caregivers as a secure base to go out and explore the world, they need a safe haven to come back to when things get too difficult,” she said.

“This course gives you the tools that you need to provide that safe space for yourself and for your children.”

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