The holidaze are upon us

Everything I write about is through the lens of a grizzled veteran reporter/editor who has seen far too much.

Or at least that’s how I like to see it these days, as I push towards my 50th birthday in February, a mere hop, skip and jump away from whatever retirement will look like in who knows how many years.

I’m certainly closer to that day than when I started, 23 years ago next month, as a snot-nosed 26-year-old who barely knew a paragraph from a sentence.

Now, I’m that old guy who tells you stories I hope you learn from, you know the ones that today’s generation tune out because, well, they already know what they’re doing, don’t they?

Who needs old fart wisdom?

But this time of year, whether you’re Happy Hannukah-ing or Merry Christmas-ing or just sitting at home as a good Jehovah – ignoring it all and waiting till the next world starts – it comes with the inevitable look back on the year that was, complete with all of the stories you forgot, right here in this issue, for you to forget about again in a week or two.

And it also comes with serious reflection if you’re my age, or maybe if you’re just like-minded, as I pontificate on what was, what is, and what could be.

Having bought the paper in July 2008, up until now, I have put out close to 900 issues. That’s a lot of stories, a lot of oversight, interviewing, editing, writing, and yes, making mistakes.

I choose to learn from them instead of deny them, and move on. That’s what good reporters do, and come next July, 18 years is a long time to run any paper, but in a demanding, at times chaotic, but oh so beautiful community like Kahnawake?

It feels like 100 years, while at the same time it feels like I just started. It’s hard to describe, and very few really know what we deal with at The Eastern Door, and only one other person has ever been in my shoes and knows what it really means.

So, around this time, reflection, wrapping up (and wrapping presents, there’s the inevitable dad joke for ya), also means looking ahead and planning for a more robust new year, a stronger paper, breaking and covering more stories, and doing it all for you, the community.

Writing a column can be cathartic, but I must say reading and editing stuff like the TED column Unspoken, by Dueki Davey, has been a real eye-opener. And a tear-jerker.

I never thought the complex thoughts we have as men could so directly and powerfully be put to words week after week in such an eloquent yet brash way.

It’s quite effective, and I have teared up reading his work on more than one occasion. And that’s part of what we do as a newspaper – give readers a glimpse into our complicated worlds with opinion pieces along with our regular solid journalism.

I have a plan in my head, and I have never said it publicly, but here goes: As long as I make it and keep my sanity until July 1, 2028, everything after that is gravy.

That date will mark 20 years of owning the Door, to go along with 25 years on January 3, 2028, of being a reporter, and those milestones are huge in my mind.

Will I be planning my exit for then? Maybe. But whenever it is I walk away from this, it will have a lasting effect on me and my mental and physical health, my wife, and my kids. Although I don’t really care what people say about me, I kind of hope they realize what a massive sacrifice it has all been.

The sleepless nights, the early morning starts (think 3 or 4 a.m.), the late-night writing and editing, all to stay within a deadline that never sleeps, that never goes away, that never lets me rest.

My plan is to take a month off, throw my phone in the seaway, and spend time with family, because in the end, that’s all that matters.

Sure, I have dedicated my life to serving Kahnawake and Kanesatake, but no one will ever truly understand what that means, and they do, as I said before, forget very fast.

It’s only when they’re telling stories about you at your wake, that make them appreciate your life, but it will be too late then.

So, my reward each and every week is knowing I’m doing something the people need, I’m holding the people accountable who need to be, and I’m not allowing anyone to bully me out of this position and silence me.

That’s a lot to take on one’s shoulders. And I have taken more than my fair share of what comes with putting everyone ahead of myself.

I will have an awesome holiday, and I hope you do, too, but I will not miss the deadlines for the next two weeks, and I might even go get a massage and see a movie – things that are big luxuries with a heavy workload as a rule and two young children as our anchors.

Enjoy your time if you’re single and have no kids because once real responsibility comes, it will smack you in the face like a bag of bowling balls.

And it won’t stop swinging.

Sincerely,

A grumpy old reporter