Saying goodbye to a centenarian
Roberta Duhaime (left) and her mother, the late Mary Paul-Duhaime (right) at the Kateri Memorial Hospital Centre pyjama party this past December. Paul-Duhaime was the oldest first-language Kanien’kéha speaker in Kahnawake. Courtesy Roberta Duhaime
At nearly 106 years old, Mary Paul-Duhaime was Kahnawake’s eldest elder when she passed away peacefully last week.
Known for her quick wit, fierce independence, and love of her family, Paul-Duhaime stayed sharp right up until the end, passing away peacefully last week, with her daughter Roberta Duhaime present as she took her final breath.
“I think we can all agree that my mom was a trip,” Duhaime said.
She recalls a few years ago, when her mother was asked what the secret to her longevity was.
“She said, ‘Don’t sit in the corner. Make them see you. But don’t be boastful. Keep it even, don’t go too wild. Only every now and then,’” she said.
Duhaime said her mother always lived her life on her own terms, and preparing for the transition to the Spirit World was no different for Paul-Duhaime, who had a frank understanding of death. She had spent time in the years before her death planning for how she wanted to say goodbye, selecting her most dazzling shoes and a beautiful beaded shirt to wear as her last outfit.
She had even told her daughter what flowers she wanted at her funeral, and as crowds gathered for the service last Monday, she made her presence known to Duhaime one last time.
“I had just finished my eulogy and I sat down, and one of the flowers just popped off her casket,” Duhaime said.
She brought the single pink rose home with her after the service.
“It was right by me in the aisle, it was the coolest thing. I mean, holy mackerel, she’s telling me ‘Get down there and pick that up!’”
At 105, Paul-Duhaime was one of the few remaining first-language Kanien’kéha speakers in Kahnawake. Raised by parents who didn’t speak any English, she was most comfortable speaking Kanien’kéha, and Duhaime and her cousin Helen Nolan remember summer days sitting on their porches, surrounded by the sound of the language – spoken in “the old way.”
“It’s hard, you don’t hear that anymore now. The accent has changed. I loved hearing that old accent,” Duhaime said. “We used to just sit outside, and everybody talked. We used to love hearing the adults talking Mohawk and just hearing them in the background was so comforting.”
Nolan remembers those long summer days, when she learned what “community” meant from her interactions with her family.
“I lived next door, and I was always so happy when my auntie and uncle and Roberta would come so I could play,” Nolan said. “She brought sugary cereal, the type that we weren’t usually allowed to have. She taught my sister how to make scrambled eggs, and my sister always remembers that and makes it exactly still how she taught her.”
Paul-Duhaime spent much of her adult life in New York City, settling in Queens. She met her husband, the late Louie Duhaime, during World War II, during which time she took on jobs working on small mechanical pieces of machinery. Roberta remembers hearing about the first moment her mother set eyes on her father, after being introduced to him through Roberta’s uncle.
“This man with a uniform came walking down the stairs with big shoulders, and it was my dad - and my mom was a good-looking woman - so he gave her a promise ring and asked him to wait for him,” she said. “So, she did, and then they got married here.”
After their marriage on August 2, 1947, the couple returned to Queens, building her home with her husband, with whom she had two daughters, Roberta and the late Melanie Duhaime.
She would return to Kahnawake for summers with her family, instilling in her children values of love and respect for everyone around them.
“There was a lot of prejudice at the time, but my mother wasn’t like that, she didn’t think differently about anybody. It was amazing to grow up like that,” Roberta said.
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As Roberta and the rest of her family reflect on the vivacious, impressive life of their matriarch, they’re reminded of her presence in the values each of them embody in their lives as adults - and in the single pink rose from the funeral that still sits in a small pot on Roberta’s coffee table.
“My mom was feisty, she’s where I got that from. She was funny, she’s where I got that from. And she was smart, beautiful and independent,” Roberta said. “I hope I have these traits in some measure, as more gifts to me from her.”
